Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
