We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
