just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
