between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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