You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
