He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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