What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
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