Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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