Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Randomize
