Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
