grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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