my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
