Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
