Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
