Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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