im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
