She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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