just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
