whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
