i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
