i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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