she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
