..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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