Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
