Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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