ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
