VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
