I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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