he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
