My room smells like vodka and shame
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You pole danced in your parka.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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