I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
