You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
