i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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