Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
