Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
