did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
