I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
