Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think your dad took our porno
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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