We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
