I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
