It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
