LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
