my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
