if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
