Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
