Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
