So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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