woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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