we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
