too bad you live with your parents still
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
