Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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